Friday, June 08, 2012

He's Not Dead!

We go through different seasons.  Sometimes life is tough, the valley is deep, rainy, dark and shadowy.  Sometimes we truely find ourselves standing on the edge of an abyss with no means to cross but an acrobat and a tightrope.  Other times life is literally a picnic in the meadow, blissful sunshine, all is well.

The months of March and April were truly a picnic.  Unlike any I've ever known.  Complete with the red and white checkered table cloth.  Part of me hesitates to go into detail because I don't have to look far at all to see friends and family hurting, struggling. And who wants to rub rainbows and sunshine in the face of suffering, death?  But a Voice in my head says "Jesus is Lord of all".  Every hurt, sorrow, disappointment.  Every joy, every answered prayer.  As Ann Voskamp says "All is Grace."  And while it's probably easier to say that in the sunshine, I KNOW it to be true.  I know that living fully, full of thankfulness during the good times keeps my focus on Him and trains me to attribute all to Him so that when the rainy days come (and they will), my heart is drawn to Him (rather than away).

Sometime around the end of March, David called me over the lunch hour and said that he'd just had lunch with Pastor Terry.  He said "You probably won't like me telling you this over the phone, but I reckon it's time for me to make a change."  I don't remember every remark word for word, but I do remember that one.  My breath caught in my throat and my hands went cold.  I remember not quite getting it.  It was kind of surreal.  I thought I knew what he was saying, but he hadn't made it very clear.  Bless his heart, I know serious stuff like this is kinda awkward for him so we didn't end up talking very long.

Everything I thought I'd be at that moment, I simply wasn't.  I didn't crumble into a sobbing mess.  I didn't run around the house laughing and cheering.  I don't really know whether this is a good or bad thing (it was just reality for me), but I simply breathed quiet thanks (and asked God if it was really true) and held my breath all afternoon until he got home.  We sat in the living room and, as expected if you know David, he didn't say much.  So I tried to gently pull it out of him.  Evidently, he had planned the lunch date with Pastor Terry the Sunday before.  And hadn't told me! :) Which is no surprise because I think one of his greatest fears was that I would be all excited and have expectations and then he would feel obligated to fulfill them.  Smart guy.  I asked him if Terry prayed with him and he said "yes".  I think I cried here. :)

Ok, so I'm not gonna claim that I was the perfect wife here.  Because the truth is that I pretty much immediately wondered about the baptism thing.  He said that Terry had mentioned it and that they could talk more about that a little later.  I immediately thought "later = ?", followed by my judgemental, ultra idealistic "baptism {should immediately} follow surrender".  Yeah, I know and I agree.  Sad.  There I go "should-ing" on someone again.  But the truth of it is that God used that reaction as a tool to remind me that I trusted in Him to draw David to Him, will I not trust Him now to lead him?  Sobering.  So I did what I know works.  I prayed.  Every day... in the shower, while cooking supper, sweeping the floor, running errands... that God would give David the courage to take the next step.

A couple weeks later we were catching up after he got home from work and he said that he had lunch with Pastor Terry again and told him he wanted to be baptized.  God is so faithful!  Why are we surprised every time?! :) We brought up several different weekends when my family was going to be here from Kansas and eventually decided on Sunday, April 1st.  Now if you know my husband, you know his knack for coming up with truly funny jokes about things that are not supposed to be funny.  He got a mischevious grin on his face and said "That'll be a good April fools joke."  I disagreed, of course but, seriously?  You hafta admit it's kinda funny.  In the weeks that followed, he also came up with several pranks he could play at his baptism involving the baptismal pool and things like food coloring and tootsie rolls.  Only him.

So things are (obviously) not perfect, but David is a changed man.  Truly.  It's amazing and inspiring and faithbuilding to see the action from a front row seat.  It reminds me again of the joy that surrender brings and the power and peace of the Holy Spirit.

Just one more thing... almost immediately after David told me he had prayed for salvation, I realized that my prayers were not answered in the sense of being finished.  It's funny when you pray for something so long and so desperately, you can't even see beyond that one thing you're praying for.  That's the way it should be though, because it allows us to be incredibly focused.  Then as God works and grows us, we realize that those sleepless nights, those times of heartache were not a burden but a gift of grace and sanctification that we could only see as we continued to walk with and in Him.

Six months or two years or five years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to play God and write the story of David's surrender.  And I have no doubt that I would have thought I could write it perfectly. But, girls, I'm here to say that God has wrote in things I could never have thought up in a million years.  I know now that my most perfect dream doesn't even come close to God's awesome reality.

Let's give the pen to Him!

Easter 2012


  1. Such awesome news! Crazy: for "some reason" (are there such thing as those?!) you two were brought to mind this week along similar vein of topic. Praise the Lord! Praying for our husbands as they become men of God and leaders in our homes. Praying for US, the wives, to let God perform His perfect work without our agenda, and that we would be gentle encouragers and examples of the beauty of holiness. Love and blessings to you! Aimee

  2. Rejoice!! Katie this is so beautiful! I see myself in your reactions & responses, and can relate so well! Thank you for the reminder that God has things in store for us that we can't even imagine! Keep trusting HIm, dear friend!

  3. Katie-

    A huge thank you for sharing! In the midst of my journey, it is another very real reminder that God's love is so powerful to continue drawing His people to Himself. So- don't hesitate to share your joy- it was truly uplifting to me! :)

    And, again, thank you for sharing your journey- it is so. hard. at times to continue trusting His wisdom & ability- so easy to think it's necessary to rush in to "fix" or show someone what they need when it looks as if nothing is happening. Mostly, because we really care about that person & want them to know the joy & peace we have experienced. Reality is - as you shared - that God's ability to cause this is so. much. more. effective than anything we could have attempted to manipulate.

    Your thoughts on it not being "finished" - so good. I read that paragraph a couple times to soak in the truth of it. One of the biggest challenges of my journey has been having hope for restoration without placing my hope {source of life & happiness} in restoration. In other words, when I "know" my marriage will be/is restored, then I'll be ok/at peace...daily refreshing my heart in the truth that God is my hope & in Him my hope is never deferred!

    I so resonate with what you shared about writing the story- how much power do we really have over the outcome when we place certain expectations on someone else's life or even our own for that matter? So much more freedom in living fully, thankfully in each moment than for the climactic moment we have our sights set on. Not saying it's wrong to hope! Just to leave it in the Lord's hands- He's so much more powerful than what we even think we are- who are we trying to kid, anyway?

    Rejoicing with you!

    1. Thank you, too! To see your heart for the Lord and your openness to share your own journey is so encouraging. It's so easy to avoid and sweep unideal stuff under the rug, but sharing what you're learning is such an awesome way to bring Glory to God through it all. I love you sister and want you to know that I think of {and pray for} you often!

  4. i just got all teary eyed, katie. reading this {{true!}} story of how God is working! and it made me want to hug you. and david too. except he probably wouldn't really like it much, huh? so i guess i'll refrain from hugging him next time i see him. & hug you extra long :)
    love ya.

  5. Beautiful! Rejoicing with you as well. God Bless you both :)

  6. Rejoicing with you & all of heaven! What a tremendous testimony. Bless you!

  7. HELLO! I just found your blog....the link was sent by a dear friend. I Loved your story! Rejoicing with you both:) Come see me next time you are out West:)Blessings to you both.


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